Sunday, March 23, 2008

Awkward sentence construction

A story on Hulu in FORTUNE magazine ("A New Way to Watch TV", March 17) showed how an awkward sentence construction makes difficult reading.

Quote:
The drama surrounding Hulu's launch heated up last August when NBC abruptly pulled its content off the Apple iTunes store - where NBC shows like The Office and 30 Rock had accounted for 30% to 40% of iTunes' video downloads. "Apple sold millions of dollars worth of hardware off the back of our content," Zucker later complained. Zucker may yet come to terms with iTunes. Meanwhile, he's happy to showcase his hit series on Hulu and Amazon's iTunes competitor, Unbox.

This sentence should have been re-written as:

"Meanwhile, he's happy to showcase his hit series on Hulu and Amazon's Unbox, a competitor of iTunes."

Or,

"Meanwhile, he's happy to showcase his hit series on Hulu and Amazon Unbox, iTunes' competitor."

Related posts:
Why do these headlines sound so negative?
Polluted? Convoluted!


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