Deadlines...

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Life is short. Pray hard.

First, I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And then, I was dying to finish college and start working.
And then, I was dying to marry and have children.
And then, I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school.
And then, I was dying to retire.
And now, I am dying...
And suddenly, I realise I forgot to live...

Related post:
Life lessons for all of us to learn

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The future of Microsoft Office

Can you imagine life without Ctrl + Alt + Delete?



Related post:
Microsoft: No more Money

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Kids say the damnedest things

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Winnie: Me!

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Millie: I is..
Teacher: No, Millie...... Always say, "I am."
Millie: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher

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Play outside, okay?
Kids can be so curious sometimes

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三缺一

图片为央视记者采访华裔诺贝尔奖获得者丁肇中的视频截图。

呵呵，真不配合哦。视频还有其他尴尬的场面。




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Demolition

The authorities in Shenzhen have been pulling down illegal buildings recently. Here's one that was done in my own backyard.



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Microsoft: No more Money

Hey, that would make a pretty attention-grabbing headline, right? But the truth is, Microsoft is just pulling the plug on Money. The software package will not be available any longer after 30 June. All purchases must be activated before 31 January 2011, by which time Microsoft will withdraw software support for online banking and bill payment.

But despair not. Intuit's overtures to Money users is, shall I say, quick.

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The joy of Pepsi?

I'm a Coke fan, so I wonder if the company has an ad in retaliation.



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Father forgets

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A timeline of American imperialism

I have just finished reading Confessions of an Economic Hit Man and was doing some research on John Perkins when I chanced upon the following videos. Even if you do not agree with Perkins' approach or are critical of the lack of evidence presented in his book, these two videos leave you little doubt about the very real threat of American imperialism.

Part 1:


Part 2:


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如果干好了

虐待儿童，如果干好了，那叫望子成龙；
脚踩两只船，如果干好了，那叫慎重选择。
摆臭架子，如果干好了，那叫来派；
装疯卖傻，如果干好了，那叫大智若愚。
看人发直，如果干好了，那叫酷毙帅呆；
欺压属下，如果干好了，那叫领导天才。
光屁股照相，如果干好了，那叫人体艺术；
死皮赖脸，如果干好了，那叫执著追求。
脾气暴躁，如果干好了，那叫有个性完美；
好吃懒做，如果干好了，那叫享受生活。
二溜子翻身，如果干好了，那叫三个代表；
流氓手段，如果干好了，那叫中国特色。

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The netbook lexicon flow chart

Courtesy of The Register:


Related post:
How to solve problems

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Got towed?

No big deal. Here's how a Shanghai lady handled the problem.



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If sluts could drive
It can only be a woman driver...

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Bet you didn't know these animal facts (2)

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
Polar bears are left handed.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animal that can't jump.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish don't have brains. [Neither does George Bush, but I doubt it's any consolation to the starfish.]

Related post:
Bet you didn't know these animal facts

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Don't fuck with Singapore

We have the fourth highest military spending per capita in 2008 (US$1,625/person), according to the chart below from The Economist. The chart is based on data from Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, which said that global military expenditure rose by 4% in 2008 to a record US$1.46 trillion. So much for the recession...

Defense budgets are a mirror to a country's strategic intentions and its potential to threaten others. By every measure, Singapore's military spending - approximately one-third of government operating expenditures (or 4.5% of GDP on average) - seems to run counter to its well publicised deterrence policy.

In fact, Singapore has plenty of artillery with a range longer than its island is wide, so one can only assume that it plans on shelling Malaysia sometime.

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Cool animation

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Would you wipe someone's ass for £5?

Apparently, Ryanair's CEO Michael O'Leary would do anything in his quest to squeeze out every bit of profits for his budget airline. The Guardian recently quoted O'Leary defending his commitment to reduce the number of toilets on the carrier's planes and charge passengers to use them:

Asked if he would be interested in charging £5 a toilet visit in order to eliminate the need for the loo altogether, he said: "If someone wanted to pay £5 to go to the toilet I would carry them myself. I would wipe their bums for a fiver."

Well, I would gladly pay O'Really a fiver to wipe my bum.

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Touch me, baby!

This is probably every geek's dream "gadget". The Geekini, as it is called, is the brainchild of French designer John Nouanesing. The classic two-piece bikini features strategically placed A, B and directional buttons from the original Nintendo controller. The design is guaranteed to excite geeky male gamers. Not so sure about the advantage for female gamers, although one can argue that they would be able to hold their cards closer to their... er, bosoms.

Unfortunately, the Geekini is just a concept at the moment. But no hurry. You'll probably need some time to rope in a volunteer to let you test drive the product.

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If you're lousy and you know it, clap your hand

Counterintuitive, isn't it? But that's exactly what Hans Brinker Budget Hotel in Amsterdam has done. The Dutch hotel, which proclaims itself as the worst in the world, is celebrating its awfulness by bringing out a related book. Check out this video eco-tour for evidence of the hotel's credentials (or lack of).

With a slogan that goes "It can't get any worse. But we'll do our best", there seems to be a touch of brilliance in Hans Brinker's approach. The key to perception of quality is often in managing the expectations that go along with it. So by setting the bar so low, it is easier to surprise a customer with service that might well be sub-par. That may be more palatable than making lofty promises and falling short.

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Shii - The Wii for Women

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朝鲜核爆前与中方的绝密通话

朝鲜：大哥，我要核试验
中国：恩，知道了，啥时候
朝：10
中：10？10什么？10天？还是10小时？
朝：9，8，7 。。。
中：你大爷的！

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I have no doubt

Just tell me when so I can prepare my wish list.

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Performance evaluations

These are actual quotes taken from US Federal government employees' performance evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady had delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full six pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus... 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a distributor."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a signpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

28. "One neuron short of a synapse."

29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

30. "Takes him two hours to watch '60 Minutes'."

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Chicken anyone?

Is it any surprise we have bird flu? Now if someone can tell me more about pigs...

Early dawn, a worker starts the day by riding around to collect dead chickens

Asking around for dead chickens

Total of 5 riders are hired by the boss to visit farms to buy dead chickens

A dead chicken cost 1 RMB and would be sold at 9 RMB after processing.

Storage for the dead chickens in the court yard

Carcasses are thrown everywhere.

And on the floor...

4 employees start de-feathering the dead fowl after soaking in boiling water in a rusty wok

Enduring the pungent odour, but sometimes, it gets so terrible that even the most experienced workers would puke.

Workers rushing to get the chickens de-feathered

A discarded bath tub being used to soak the bare skin dead chickens. The contaminated water would have accelerated the decomposition process.

Wearing slippers walking among the chicken before the colouring process

After the colour dye, it's creepy to find that the chickens look quite tender.

And now presenting the mouth-watering Charcoal Roasted Chicken!

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