In a word

Auto insurance: wreckcompense
Choir practise: hymnastics
Campus dispute: quadwrangle
Window shopping: extravaglances

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Sharing the pain

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a machine that could transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out, and they both agreed enthusiastically. The doctor set the knob to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine, so the doctor upped the percentage to 50% and finally 100%, since the wife was obviously benefitting from the transfer. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

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Fake Bill Gates on Facebook

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Nobody gives a shit about your children

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Politically incorrect bedtime stories

Titled "Strange and Creepy", this collection of cartoon images on Behance represents a creative twist on the feel-good stuff we all grew up with.





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The downside of cost-cutting

Three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants buy a ticket each and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves the restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

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世界真奇妙

男人忽悠女人叫调戏
女人忽悠男人叫勾引
男女互相忽悠就变爱情了

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Fancy Windows 95 on your iPhone?

I don't know why anybody would, but just in case you're intrigued by the idea, check out the video below.



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Both sides of the coin

For those who are sick of claims and counter-claims, Intel researchers at Berkeley, California have developed a Firefox extension called "Dispute Finder", which, if everything goes according to claims, can determine if a claim is bullshit or not. With Dispute Finder, you'll have a way to tell people that they are, in fact, very, very stupid. Unless, of course, you are on the receiving end of such a compliment.

Dispute Finder forms part of a larger project at Intel called Confrontational Computing, which is described as follows on the Intel Research website:

Much of the information on the web consists of opinions, arguments, and beliefs. Examples include news articles, blog posts, message boards, and wikis. The Confrontational Computing project aims to understand how people argue on the web, and to develop tools that make it easier for people to do so.

Dispute Finder is the first tool to come out of that project and the video above takes you through an example of how the add-on works by highlighting sections of text. That text can then be researched further through additional provided links including alternative viewpoints. The user also has the power to influence what claims are disputed by marking or ignoring them.

Though Dispute Finder would seem to be a valuable tool, anyone with Firefox, a slack jaw and a few minutes to kill can inflict themselves upon the less gullible. In the event of disputes, please remain calm and do not use Twitter.

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Unhappy feet

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The Wellman Show

Ironically, the Mississippi Braves manager's name is Phillip Wellman and his tantrum earned him a three-game suspension. I'd say give the man a contract extension so he can deliver more surprises (and entertainment).

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Will the real Charlie Brown please stand up?

The original (disturbing - I'm a Peanuts fan) post here: Chuck Brown

Good grief!

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Do not use Twitter

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Deadlines? No problem!

A 35-year-old Japanese man shows how to get up, eat breakfast and get ready for work in five minutes.



Related post:
Deadlines...

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For better or worse

Can you believe Singapore is right next to Zimbabwe in the worse governed section? That's according to this chart put together by The Economist, based on data drawn from the Worldwide Governance Indicators.

You can download the source materials here.

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随时都可以用

昨天早上去人事部找人事部经理谈离职细节顺便拿员工离职通知书，经理因手下没有备份，需要打印，责备道：怎么不多打印几份，好随时可以用。

我在旁边听了，几乎晕过去。。。

少林足球

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男女之间

还记得黄舒骏的“男女之间”吗？这首歌的词写得很精彩，尤其是这一段：
男女之间永远说不清楚 互相厌恶又互相追逐
彼此可以找出千万个错误 却是五十步笑百步

喜欢黄舒骏的才情和真挚，特别是当他用铺陈的手法去渲染一首歌曲的主题。

下面的“对话”有一点黄舒骏的味道哦！

上床前：(當男性希望和女性發生關係時，哄對方的一段對話)

男：你知道嗎？我每天也在想沒有你的日子我該怎麼過。
女：要是你的心裡沒有我，我馬上便會離開你。
男：不可能，我的心中一直也是這樣期盼著。
女：若有其他少女勾引你，你能保持清醒？絕不搭上她們嗎？
男：還用說，這是理所當然的。
女：我家裡的家務都要由我一個人做嗎？
男：不用怕，我會在外頭找其他人來幫你幹好這差事。
女：將來我要是不能成為你的完美情人怎麼辦？
男：即使如此，但你在我心中的形象也是不會改變的。
女：若我成為你的妻子，那我肯定有天會人老珠黃，變得很醜，但屆時我必會相夫教子，孝順你的雙親。
男：親愛的，這樣的話太令我感動了，簡直是夢寐以求。
女：但要是有一天我不在這個世界了，你還是再找一個愛你的人吧。
男：傻孩子，那樣的話我情願一輩子獨身了。
女：那請你以後就只能愛我一個，不要再去看其他美女。
男：當然，那是不用多說的。
女：要是你的舊情人來找你，說她還是很掛念你，你會跟她舊情復始嗎？
男：我才不管，這事與我何幹
女：那我要是被別人欺負，你會怎樣？
男：狠狠幹掉他，我絕不能讓這種事發生
女：如果我懷孕了，你會負責嗎？
男：這絕對是男人應有的責任，也是該有的表現
女：你會把工資的一大部份都花在賭博上嗎?
男：不會，這是不能原諒的，絕不能讓那種事發生，那怕只是偶然一次
女：我要是做錯事，你會原諒我嗎？
男：那是肯定的，而且理應是要包容這種事
女：你會出軌，對我不忠嗎？
男：這樣的話最痛苦的肯定是我自己
女：我要你經常在早上都抱著我然後對我說「我愛你」
男：還用說？這種事最好每天至少發生一次
女：若你碰到死纏不休的女子瘋狂追求你，那你會怎樣？
男：那我會叫她早點放棄這念頭，若她不願收手，就只能找執法人員幫手了
女：若你對我不好，我母親可是會代我懲治你的。
男：前者是不可能發生的，因此後者也不可能實現
女：將來我若嫁給你，你會願意讓我母親也住到你家中嗎？
男：當然可以，只要把她帶到我們家中，更可以讓你看到我和她相親相愛。
女：我不許你在外面胡混，在其他女子家中過夜或勾三搭四的。
男：我絕不是會做這種事的男人。
女：我若跟你家人爭吵，你會站在我這邊保護我嗎？
男：看情況吧，但一般情況下還是會的。
女：當你憤怒時，你會虐打你的情人嗎？
男：不可能，那種事簡直是一種犯罪。
女：你能不能讓我掌管你的工資，當你的財政大臣？
男：當然了,有些話不用說得太明白
女：你愛我是為了性嗎?
男：這種話令我很噁心,請不要再這樣說了
女：你真好,我要永永遠遠也愛你

當男性與女性發生了關係後，便露出真面目了，請從下往上讀。

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Another collection of spam subjects

We know the method to quit the aging process.
You can trick the nature and make a monster out of your timid animal.
Make your rod staying!
If watering your device doesn't help it be come bigger we know what works.
How crysis affects you [new buzzword - "crysis"]
Your stick will be in harmony with her hole.
Reply or die [scare tactics]
Free Penis trial [OMG!]
She will not need a magnifying glass any longer to find your tool.
We sell the best alarm-clocks for your small fellow down there.
Small tool is for peeing, big tool is for more serious things.
Now you don't have to wear bigger shoes to trick women around you. [huh?]
Rock out with your cock out
Please, ask about me [Twitter-era egomaniac]
Your golden watch has a golden heart that is beating.
FW: Your academic qualification expired [I didn't know this is possible.]
Don't be ashamed of your wrist anymore. [for once, it's not about your little brother]
Sometimes our watches live longer than their owners.
Your golden watch will never cheat on you. [thank god!]
You would never have to travel south if you had a bigger shaft.
For some men having a decent watch is the most important thing in this world. [different strokes for different folks]

And here's the kicker, apparently from "no sender":
[no sender] Order Shipped -- Order #40643

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