The benefits of cloud computing

客服：「東東披薩店您好！請問有什麼需要我為您服務？」
顧客：「妳好，我想要………」
客服：「先生，請把您的AIC會員卡號碼告訴我。」
顧客：「喔！請等等，12345678。」
客服：「陳先生您好，您是住在泉州街一號二樓，您家電話是23939889，您的公司電話是23113731，您的行動電話是0939956956，請問您現在是用哪一個電話呢？」
顧客：「我家，為什麼妳知道我所有的電話號碼？」
客服：「陳先生，因為我們有連線到『AICCRM系統』。」
顧客：「我想要一個海鮮披薩……」
客服：「陳先生，海鮮披薩不適合您。」
顧客：「為什麼？」
客服：「根據您的醫療紀錄，您有高血壓和膽固醇偏高。」
顧客：「那……妳們有什麼可以推薦的？」
客服：「您可以試試我們的低脂健康披薩。」
顧客：「妳－－怎麼知道我會喜歡吃這種的？」
客服：「喔！您上星期一在中央圖書館借了一本《低脂健康食譜》。」
顧客：「哎呀！好……我要一個家庭號特大披薩，要多少錢？」
客服：「嗯，這個足夠您一家十口吃，六百九十九元。」
顧客：「可以刷卡嗎？」
客服：「陳先生，對不起，請您付現，因為您的信用卡已經刷爆了，
您現在還欠銀行十萬四千八百零七元，而且還不包括房貸利息。」
顧客：「喔！那我先去附近的提款機領錢。」
客服：「陳先生，根據您的記錄，您已經超過今日提款機提款限額。」
顧客：「算了！妳們直接把披薩送來吧，我這裡有現金。妳們多久會送到？」
客服：「大約三十分鐘，如果您不想等，可以自己騎車來。」
顧客：「什麼？！」
客服：「根據『AICCRM系統』記錄，您有一輛摩托車，車號是GY-7878。」
顧客：「……＃@$%^&$%^&※！」
客服：「陳先生，請您說話小心一點。您在89年4月1日用髒話侮辱警察，被判了十日拘役。」
顧客：「………………」
客服：「請問還需要什麼嗎 ?」
顧客：「沒有了，是不是有送3罐可樂？」
客服：「是的！不過根據『AICCRM系統』記錄，您有糖尿病…………」

Dieter's guide to weight loss during sex

Activity Calories Burned

REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent..................... 12
Without partner's consent................. 187

UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands......................... 7
Using one trembling hand.................... 96

GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner............................... 15
Dragging partner along the floor........... 16
Using skateboard.............................. 3

ACHIEVING ERECTION
For normal, healthy man................ 2 1/4
For normal healthy women................ 549
Losing erection.............................. 1/4
Searching for it............................ 115

PUTTING ON PROPHYLACTIC
With erection............................. 1 1/4
Without erection........................... 300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is Experienced.. 6
Inexperienced.................................. 73
A man does it regardless of experience… 680
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.

INSERTION
If woman is ready.......................... 1/4
If man is not............................... 274

METHOD OF SEX
Tender and loving
Man on top.................................. 275
Woman on top............................... 400
Man on bottom, eyes on woman.......... 535

POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY
Italian: man on top, woman in kitchen..... 26
Russian: woman on bottom, man getting permission..................................... 55
American: both on top...................... 60

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE
Bouncing......................................... 7
Sliding around.................................. 9
Serious skidding..............................12
Whiplash...................................... 27

ORGASM
Real............................................. 27
Faked........................................... 160

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off............................... 35
Expression didn't change.................. 1/2
Orchestra swelled............................. 6
Birds sang
Large birds........................ 7
Small birds..................................... 3
Earth moved................................... 30

PULLING OUT
After orgasm............................... 1/4
A few moments before orgasm........... 500

PENIS ENVY
For woman...................................... 3
For man........................................ 72

GUILT
Despite almost no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally and spontaneously………… 53
You're enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are starving.................... 2
Sex on your lunch hour....................... 3
And you put it on your expense report..... 20

AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing you his/her plants.. 5
Partner insists on cuddling dog during foreplay........................................ 14
Partner just visited bathroom for the seventh time................................... 10
Partner is taking phone calls................. 7
Partner is making phone calls............. 40

GETTING CAUGHT
By partner's spouse......................... 60
By your spouse.......................... 60 1/2
Trying to explain........................... 165
Trying to remain calm..................... 100
Leaping out of bed............................ 25
Getting dressed in one large motion..... 300
Thanking partner quickly..................... 2

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To lie or not to lie, that is not the problem

Here are two quizzes about lying. See if you can solve it.

Quiz #1
A stranger who comes to a junction in the road could not decide which one to take. A smiling townsman stands there. What one question can the stranger ask, to be answered yes or no, that will ensure him to get the right direction to the town, whether the townsman is a liar or not?

Quiz #2
A says B lies. B says C lies. C says A and B lie. Which one is telling the truth?

A layman's guide to politics

A son asked his father, "Dad, what is politics?"

Dad said, "Look, I bring the money home, therefore I am the Capitalist. Your mother administrates the money, therefore she is the Government. Grandpa watches everything, therefore he is the Union. Our maid is the Working Class. We all want just one thing, your well-being. Therefore you are the People. And your smaller brother who is still in his nappy, is the Future. Do you understand that my son?"

The little one thinks, and tells his father he wanted to sleep it over for one night.

During the night the boy wakes up, because his younger brother produces something with an unbearable smell from his nappy and is crying. As he doesn't know what to do, he goes into the bedroom of his parents. But there is only his mother in her bed, and she is so fast asleep that he does not succeed in waking her up.

So he goes into the bedroom of the maid where he finds his father having fun with her, and grandpa watching them secretly through the window. All of them are so engaged that they don't realise that the boy is standing in front of them.

So the boy decides to go to bed again without having been able to solve the problem.

Next morning, the father asks his son if he is able to explain with a few words what politics is.

"Yes," answers the son. "The Capitalist abuses the Working Class. The Union watches without doing anything, while the Government sleeps. The People are completely ignored, and the Future is in the shit."

IKEA 2012 catalogue

Went to IKEA Causeway Bay this morning and managed to pick up a copy of the 2012 catalogue after getting past the cashiers. Seemed like the catalogues - each measuring 19cm (W) by 22cm (H) and 1cm in thickness - were fresh out of the oven (so to speak) as they were still stacked on delivery carts. I wonder which printer in Hong Kong produces this catalogue - must have been a helluva job given the size of its circulation.


The IKEA 2012 catalogue is a compact guide packed with plenty of ideas on how to make use of small spaces, which is particularly apt in Hong Kong where space is a premium. Personally, I think IKEA should consider including QR codes on the pages that provide a direct link to their webpage and videos.

On this trip, I was surprised to find separate brochures available for different sections of a home. Each of these brochures (I found three versions, see photos below) is larger than the IKEA catalogue at 21cm (W) by 29cm (H) and focuses on the offerings in specific departments. They are quite handy if you already have something in mind and there are also some useful information within the brochures. It's a different experience browsing these, compared to the regular catalogue.



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